What is the deal with button fly jeans? Seriously. Every pair of jeans that I seem to love and purchase as of late end up being button fly. I need to ask myself, why would any designer make button fly over regular zipper jeans?
You may say, aesthetically, button fly jeans look cool. Well, while that may be true in theory, you cannot tell if a person is wearing button fly or zipper jeans when they are properly closed. And let’s face it, 99.99% of people see us with our jeans buttoned or zipped.
Also, one of the best things about being a guy is that we get to pee standing up. And to go along with that, the best part about peeing while wearing pants, is that you can just pull your weenus out through your pant hole without unbuttoning the top button or undoing your belt. Well, button fly jeans really ruin this. Not only is it time consuming, it is also awkward at a bar when you have to undo your belt, and basically unbutton half your pants in order to relieve yourself, making the guy next to you think you are pulling some sort of Larry Craig. And as I spend the majority of my time in straight bars, it is more awkward because most of the guys there are not receptive to full frontal male nudity, sadly.
The only other reason I can think of to have button fly jeans is for weenus protection. In case someone tries to give you a random handy at a bar. I say, let the random hand jobs commence! I am sure I would have gotten much more play at gay bars and on the subway had I not been wearing weenus armor (aka, a belt and button fly jeans).
So jean companies, I beg of you, please make cute, designer jeans that are zip fly instead of button fly. It helps me pee easier and more quickly, and also opens me up to the opportunity of random weenus play.